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Personal Growth

Contemplation of tiredness

Yesterday I came home very very tired in the evening. I usually am not prone to tiredness, being full of ideas of things to do and projects to start and finish. However, last night was kind of interesting as I found myself in what I call a “funk.”

This is a pretty rare occasion for me, to get in a funk. It’s a bit hard to describe, but includes feeling lethargic, unsociable, and — here’s the most telling symptom — not feeling like doing anything. (A Most Unusual State!) Most of my friends will probably say that they have never seen me in this Most Unusual State, and it is true — it doesn’t happen very often!

So there was a morose part of me wallowing in my funkness and the logical part of me that was analyzing the cause of all this. I tried to think of things to do to try to get out of this mood, but inspiration didn’t strike, and after giving some half-hearted tries at bills, playing piano, working on the computer, sitting around doing nothing, praying and other activities, I gave up and got ready to go to bed. And it was during this time that inspiration struck and I suddenly felt better.

And so here is the inspirational thoughts that I had:

1. I was feeling this way because I was tired. Lack of sleep will do that to you. I have problems falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, waking up early and not being able to sleep, etc. that has plagued me since I moved to Davis. No idea why. Just happens.

2. I didn’t have much people contact most of the day, as it was a very quiet day and so my extroverted side was not satisfied. But Reason #1 also caused me to not want to talk to people. So it was not a win-win situation!

3. I ran a meeting in the evening that I didn’t feel went very well. Long gaps of silence after questions. The positive side of me thought, “Well, that’s good! It made people think!” The negative side of me thought, “Oh dear. I am afraid I overwhelmed them and they didn’t know how to respond!” I felt there was a lack of clarity in my own mind what would make this meeting a “win,” as I am still discovering what I am trying to accomplish in my role.

So the cool discovery was that after taking the StrengthsFinder test, one of my top strengths is Achiever. I notice that if I feel like I have not done a good job, I fall into this funk. Before I would just kick myself mentally and be very hard on myself and feel like a failure. God has helped me grow a lot in this area. I don’t do that any more, but I still don’t feel so good when I feel like I have not done a good job. This sense of tiredness sets in, which, as I have discovered with talking and reading, is related to performing outside of your strengths.

And the other thing that helped me was the constant reminder “It doesn’t matter what people think, it only matters what God thinks,” that I am trying to believe, live out in my life and absorb into my very being. Whether people thought it was a good meeting or not didn’t matter — what was more important was my desire to honor God in what I was doing.

So after that long process, I felt a lot better, the funk mood disappeared… and I fell into bed and instantly fell asleep and actually slept 5 hours without waking up!

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