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hilarious emails

Our friend Glen has been a huge help as I’ve been working on the small groups ministry, and today he sent this email:

OK, so here’s the deal … I’ve documented a list of milestones I’d like to superimpose over the current implementation plan for UCC Small Groups, which I will recommend to Dan to include in your 2008-2009 Performance Objectives:

Sep 30th – first draft of the outline for your new book, “Small Groups Are for Sissies: Authentic Christian Community via Group Life”
Dec 31st – submit revolutionary Group Life article to Christianity Today
Mar 31st – begin world-wide speaking tour
Jun 30th – appear on Oprah as a featured author for Oprah’s Book Club
Aug 31st – pay off the UCC mortgage with the royalties from the deliverables above

I thought the email was so funny that I showed it to the family and this is the reply Albert wrote back:

This is Albert. I think you’re thinking waaay too small. The dates are fine, but I propose the following:

Sept 30th — book, dvd, and theatre premier of “Real Christians Don’t Do Small Groups: De-wussifying Your Christian Community”

Dec 31st — In addition to Christianity Today, articles should also be submitted to Leadership Magazine, Psychology Today, and Black Belt Magazine (hey, group life can get tough!)

Mar 31st — World-wide speaking tour should be accompanied by worship rock-band, complete with laser light show and pyrotechnics. Try to get some up and coming artists that could use a boost to their careers — maybe Paul Baloche, Toby Mac, Brenton Brown, Steven Curtis Chapman, Matt Redmond — they could use a little publicity.

Jun 30th — Oprah is good. Also line up interviews with Letterman and the Pope.

Aug 31st — Pay off UCC mortgage. Sell story rights and online sales rights — use proceeds to balance the federal deficit.

Sept 30 — Solve world hunger and simultaneously eliminate global warming. Genetically modify Amazon River tree frogs to re-introduce dodos into the ecosystem. Personally pilot the first manned mission to Mars. Win the Olympic decathlon (both men’s and women’s). Get home in time to read to the kids before they go to sleep.

It might be a little slow until September, but remember that she’s new on staff and needs a little time to settle in.

Albert

Nothing like having a few people in your life who have some minor expectations.

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  • Reply Daniel

    Hi Mommy. You asked me to comment, so I’m commenting. I don’t know what to comment about, but it is a comment. ^_^

    July 8, 2008 at 11:37 pm
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